He calls us to the Edge....

Well, there I was sitting in Steenbock library, trying to study for my animal population dynamics exam, and as usual, my mind began to drift to other things.

I started to think about the insecurities I have, and how sometimes I am not very confident in myself.  I thought about how I sometimes hate the fact that I am rather shy, and I thought about how this trait often seems to get in the way of how I would like to interact with other people as I see it playing out in my mind. One thing that has been nagging on me is where is the line between becoming someone I am not, and working on this trait so I can have deeper, truer and more meaningful relationships with others? So I can become closer to treating them as Jesus would?

Not all the time, but often, I find that for myself being shy is not taking courage. It is caring too much about what others will think of me, worrying that I will be seen as stupid, that I will be embarrassed, that I will fail, and then they'll see me for who I really am, weaknesses and all.  Maybe I worry that by reaching out, by going beyond my comfort zone, I will be exposed. Being exposed opens the door for hurt, it puts your heart on the line and opens the door for pain to come sweeping in, for the possibility of rejection. But the thing is, I think that allowing yourself to be exposed is truly the only way to live. To experience life deeply, richly, and fully, as God intended for us. 

Sometimes in life, my strategy for survival, if I am honest with myself, is to wall myself up, to retreat inwards, to hold onto thoughts and hopes. To stay within myself, where I am comfortable, where there is no danger of others discovering my weaknesses. Not to say I do this all the time, but it is still something I struggle with and I think it is a mindset I often have without even being aware of it.

But.  Jesus did not call us to stay where we are comfortable. Jesus asks us for something more, something that takes deep courage and faith. He calls us to the edge. To get out to the edge and stay there.  What does this even mean, you might ask?  I believe that in this call is the command to forsake ourselves and to reach out to others. We put ourselves on the line, we pour ourselves out, in order to put others before ourselves. In essence, being at the edge is risky.  I believe that this is where Jesus spent his time when he was here on earth.  He went to the edge and stayed there, teaching people, ministering to people, and loving them.

This is what I have to remember when I am fearful of speaking up, of reaching out. It can be exhausting, but Jesus has told us that when we are weak, he is strong in us. How often I forget that God's Spirit lives in those who believe in Him, that His Spirit dwells in me. I must remember to believe in a faithful God, who always keeps His promises. To take courage, take faith, to go out to the edge, and stay there. And do you know what the best part is?  Take heart my friend, for Jesus promises that even there, at the edge, no matter if we are tired, excited, afraid or joyful, he will always be there with us.